the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
