I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
