Define "chronic" masturbator.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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