I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
