My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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