Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
