Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
