Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
