Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
