she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
