It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
