i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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