Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
