i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
