I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
