you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
