She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
