last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
