he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
