you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
