i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
