If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize