if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
