North Korea, Best Korea!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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