i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
His nipple licking is glorious
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