im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
