it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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