okay pat passed out under dana's car
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
