Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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