just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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