You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
