Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
