so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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