i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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