I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize