someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
