I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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