he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
