and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
