thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
