It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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