I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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