I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
