I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
