the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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