So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
