he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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