Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
