Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize