Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i think i just lost a toe
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
