It was confusing and full of hummus
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
