yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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