i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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