were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
