you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We need to rekindle our bromance
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
