They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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