I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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