apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
