I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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