I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
