well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
