the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
