Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
