the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
