I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
