i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
