google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
