But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
