there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
