well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
