I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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