Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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