New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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