Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
