Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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