I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
