when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
