i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
