I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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