He kissed a someone with a penis
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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