Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
